Leap day. Such is the day for odd things to be happening to me. Elizabeth finished her room already. She knew exactly what she wanted and got it done quickly. Honestly, i think big brother Damon helped her out a lot. i’ll be posting what she wrote in our journal about what she wanted done. There is even a special place for “Uncle Tim” she says. Finding out that she cares for Him a lot too. In her own special way of course. She’s not really had others that cared for her or watched out for her so it’s a big deal for her.
The class Vina had me attend with her really was worth going to, even though i left a dance for it. Really, i didn’t want to go, but since it was my sister and she asked me, of course i’d go. i had no clue what the topic was on, but it happened to be something that we both needed. Hearing that i’m not the only subbie that is going through abuse (i know vina has too) or that goes through the non-stop put downs, helped me a lot. i made a new friend there, and hopefully we’ll support each other some.
The topic hit really close to home for me. It’s something i’ve always done and i hate that i do it. Some of the other girls really helped with things that help them. Vina made a really good point like affirmations. She brought up an idea about reading assignments? You’ll have to ask her because i think i’m as clueless about this as i can be. She also asked me to post my entries about the book too if i would. i will copy them over tomorrow. With all that has gone on, i think we are actually hopefully bonding a bit more as of late. She is really helping me and really helping me help myself.
Finding that putting myself down doesn’t help me or help You help me has really got me thinking why do i do it? It’s because my self worth has never been promoted or encouraged. It’s always been beaten down and has gotten me to beat myself down. Would i agree if Master would do it? Hell NO! i wouldn’t allow it. He’s an amazing wonderful man. Then why oh why can’t i believe it about myself? Because i haven’t gotten that from anyone. Master does though. He tries to uplift me in ways no one else ever has. i’ve only had crap for family, boyfriends, husband, doms, dommes, etc. BUT that is where i need to change things. Stop letting those sort of people into my life and stop believing the crap they’ve drilled into my head.
Sis asked me if i had ever read anything on protocols or learned anything about protocols. Honestly, no i haven’t. All that i’ve learned is sort of been picked up along the way. Some just watching others and learning from them. Honestly, i’ve had no formal training at all. Well really no training of any sort. It’s been more of just learning and doing as i go. That’s changing though with Master. He is helping me learn the way and the mannerisms, and so much more of being a slave. Honestly, i never thought i’d be here, calling myself a slave. i always fought with everyone, no no no i’m a submissive. i could never be a slave. Look here, i’ve changed that entire part of my life. i’m a happy slave girl and wouldn’t have it any other way. i want to be Master’s slave, owned property. i haven’t found myself in any happier place than being here, at His feet, serving Him, and pleasing Him. It is where i belong and hopefully exactly where i’ll stay.
