Startings of Thoughtful Thursday

Good evening all you wonderful fans of A Woman and Her Wand. This week we are starting a new fun thing called Thoughtful Thursdays. This is all about you our readers and what you want to know and sometimes, just when I don’t have anything else to write, what I feel.

Since this is our first installment, I’m going to be writing about how this works and some of my own thoughts for you to listen to. This is going to work in a fun way. Every question, comment, article, thoughts, wonderings, or just about anything you’d like to be seen written here for Thoughtful Thursdays or just from any of us girls you’re welcome to ask. I’d like to have all things you want to discuss emailed to me at DiabolicalKitty@AWomanandHerWand.com. This way I get everything sent to me, and your emails can be seen immediately. I’ll post a new topic every week for the next week, so if we can’t get anything that isn’t on that topic, I do have other things to write about.

So, onto next week’s topic of conversation. Consent….I’d love to know your thoughts, comments, questions, concerns, and what this means to you.

This week, I’d like to talk about emotion and depression. I’m dealing with this really hard right now. I was raped two weeks ago. I can’t go into details, as this is still being investigated. I’m dealing with a ton of emotions on how I feel. Today was a really bad day. I was on a huge roller coaster of emotions. I woke up just dragging major ass and didn’t really want to get out of bed. I dragged myself out to bed to help my wife Sophiea get the kids ready for school and so she can take them. My oldest two children attend school and my youngest is still at home. So, while she was off taking the oldest 2 to school, I was watching the youngest.

Sadly, so many emotions caught up to me because my now ex-girlfriend was leaving today. Sophiea was taking her home shortly after she got back from taking the kids to school. She was all packed up and ready to leave, and my heart was hurting really badly. I just couldn’t believe someone I loved so much was leaving me. I had given her a lot of my life, shared my children with her, shared my home, and made her a part of my family. Sadly, this wasn’t good enough for her. Firstly, she wanted drugs. I just couldn’t condone it. Plus, I really didn’t have all that sort of extra cash on hand to be paying for it, since she didn’t have a job. She, like my wife, are trans women. I love trans women a lot. I have a submissive girl, who is a trans woman also. Let me explain here, I am what they call polyamorus. I have multiple, intimate relationships, which are all consenting and everyone knows about each other. Nothing is kept a secret. Secrets cause jealousy, and we feel secrets are cheating as well.

Sitting there watching my ex-girlfriend get her things together to pack the van and leave, I just broke down. I started crying uncontrollably and feelings of worthlessness crept into my head. I became very suicidal and just didn’t care of wanting to live anymore. I know you’re probably saying, but you have kids. Honestly, as much as I love my kids, I was in a very deep dark place. When you’ve been raped, many things happen to you. You hate yourself, you end up finding a black hole and crawling into it. You are instilled with fear, self loathing, guilt, shame, blame, and mostly a feeling of being powerless and weak. That’s my gammit of emotions I’ve been dealing with.

I had my Domme come and basically put Her foot into my ass about letting these emotions take a hold of me. I had been put on 3 new medications and I was feeling worse because I could take care of things myself. I’ve always been the strong person. Not being strong made me feel even worse. After the discussion with my Domme, a funny thing happened. A box from UPS showed up at my door. I was excited as I knew I had many packages coming to me. I just didn’t realize which one it was. This one happened to be the new toy I had gotten for my review from Babeland. Oh my god, I was really excited as my Domme was still here with me. So, Her and I tore the boxes open and started to figure out the G4 Big Boss Vibe. This thing was huge, and you will all get my review as soon as my infections heal up. We, being women, and being both quite versed in sex toys decided we were going to plug it in. I will say this, you will want to read the review because you will laugh at the fact it took us 1/2 an hour to figure out how to plug this in. I have to say we didn’t read the instructions but they weren’t really any help in the first place.

So, tell me….Have you felt this way? Do you know where I’m coming from? Have stories, questions, concerns, advice, help, etc? Please do email me. I’d love to hear from you all!