I have been given the topic to write about of “Describe your ideal submissive relationship” by the man I hope, someday, to call Master.
First off, I am not looking to be submissive, I want to be owned, I want to be loved and cared for, I want to be His most prized possession. I am not looking for a spanking (ok, maybe a little) or to be beaten senseless. I want to learn about myself; things that I don’t currently understand or think possible. I know it is Him who can teach me. I long to be great, to better myself. This is not about sex, nor is it about being whipped; while I do like both, being a slave means much more to me than that.
My entire life, I have been drawn to Dominant men, unfortunately not the good kind. I have been trapped in an abusive marriage, raped and abused mentally and physically, so you may be asking why I am willing to fully submit to Him. My answer is simple, He is NOT them! He knows me, knows what I have been though and knows where I can be. He is my soul mate, I have known that for many years already. He is my other half, and I was not even close to complete until we met. We understand each-other, have tapped into each-others mind to the point of thinking the same thoughts most of the time. Sometimes it scares me how close we are, to find out that out of the blue, with no similar triggers, we were both thinking the exact same thing. It’s magical, and I want to explore that more.
There are going to be times ahead of us, in this journey, that I will get frustrated with. I know that handing over complete control will not be easy, but it is what I need. I don’t like my natural platinum blonde hair and wish to dye it darker, you wish for natural, I wish to please you, it is going to be a struggle for a while, I know this. If I were to hand over power tonight, we would not be fine tomorrow. It takes work, and time and education on both of our parts. It takes re-wiring the brain, because since we were born, our parents told us that we shouldn’t let people tell us what to do, to stand up for ourselves and fight for our rights. With that being said, I find it amusing that the rights I am currently fighting for, are to have my rights taken away.
I have read, over and over, how, in order to be a slave, one must not hold a job, because then, said slave would have some sort of control. I say, in order to be a slave, said slave must be willing to submit complete control to their Master, and if Master says a job is okay, then it is okay. Yes, it is a privilege, but it would be okay. I know that He knows me and understands what I need. My job is important to me and I enjoy it, my blogs are important to me as well. I have a strong feeling that He will not force me to stop either of these things, because He knows how important they are in my life. I enjoy being the one to bring home the paycheck, but I am bad with money, I will spend it and not remember how, or on what, then our bills will get behind, so I am looking forward to handing my paycheck over to Him, and let Him be in complete control of our money. I also love to shop, and am an avid couponer, I do understand that being His slave would mean asking Him for my shopping money, and even asking Him if I can shop, as opposed to just running out the door when a good sale comes up. I am okay with this, I would even be okay with an allowance, only having a certain amount of money for what I want, and if I spend it, then that’s it. Whatever He wishes, I will comply. As I said, it will take some getting used to, it WILL be a struggle, but one I am willing to work on.
Chores around the house? I suck at them! I do, really! He is a MUCH better housekeeper than I am, but I do want to learn. I don’t want all the chores dumped on me again, because we won’t be able to see the floor, but I DO want Him to give me a chore, and regularly remind me to do it, until it becomes habit, then once I have it down without thought, give me another. If I forget, a verbal reminder should do, but if I refuse, a spanking might make me wake up. I
want NEED routine, to do the same thing day in and day out. This actually brings me right back to my work situation, where I am at a different building on different days at different times. I can’t wait to get into one place and know exactly when and where I am supposed to be there, but that is another story entirely.
Something that is important to me right now, that I am not ready to give up would for sure be the internet. I am an internet addict, I would be (and have been before) online 24/7 if given the chance and enough caffeine. Sometimes I am not even doing anything, just kinda refreshing the page I am on, just to be online. Yes, I know it is a problem, so yes, I am willing to work out a schedule that fits my needs and His wants. I don’t think I could give it up entirely, seeing as I don’t have real-life friends, all my “friends” are online. He doesn’t seem to realize that though and calls them “fake”. I care for, and think of these friends often, and if emotion is involved, it isn’t fake. I am not a people person though; in real life, people that I interact with outside of my home….I find them to be annoying, rude, uncaring and needy; something I am not willing to participate in. Online, people who they really are, because not showing your face allows for your soul to shine through. People think before they write, but don’t tend to think before they speak, making verbal communication hard to deal with. Something else that I haven’t spoken to Him about recently, is my love for video games; MMORPGs…one in particular, Final Fantasy XI. If I could get that back (I’ve not played in well over 2 years, but still long for that community), even an hour or two at a time, I would be forever in His debt. I am not just saying that either. It is true, feel free to use it as a reward if you wish Sir, but I thought you should know that the game You introduced me to years ago, is one that I am willing to work hard to earn playtime for.
Now onto the sexual aspect of the M/s relationship. I am willing to do ANYTHING for Him. No, I don’t enjoy sucking His cock. It hurts…I have a small mouth and a bad gag reflex and get ZERO sexual satisfaction from it, but He loves it, so I do it…once in a while. By handing over complete power, I am worried that He will force me to do this more often, this WILL be one of those struggles, and I am not sure how that will work out. I keep playing that over and over in my head, and can’t seem to find a good ending to that one, or even a mutual agreement. I HATE giving head, hate is a strong word, but I use it freely in this instance, because it is my true feelings. Maybe we can come to an agreement on that though, he gets a certain number each month and can force me to do it until that number has been exhausted? I’m not sure, we’ll have to think about that one. I find rope bondage to be primal, sexual and is an extreme turn on, so I would love it if he were to learn more about that and eventually learn suspension art and other beautiful things that can be done with rope.
It is obvious that we have a LOT to talk about, and a long way to go before I earn that collar, but this is a start. A new beginning, if you will. I want to be His, mind, body and soul.
If you are reading this from a Master/slave point of view, you may have noticed that I capitalize “I” and that I don’t speak in 3rd person about myself, and that I don’t write Y/you and A/all and that crap…why? Because I value the English language, I am a stickler for correctness in writing and that stuff just doesn’t make sense, and frankly, it annoys me.